I've heard stories from the locals about the bugs, the spiders and the scorpions, but I always assumed if I kept a clean house and a well-maintained yard, those things wouldn't exist in my little bubble of Texas. I was wrong. I forgot, I date a guy who lives in the field part time. Literally, lives outside.
People ask me where the field is, and I haven't the slightest clue. I don't think it's a place that civilians are supposed to be familiar with. All I know is that he comes back dirty, tired, and full of interesting surprises.
One day, upon returning from the field for his weekly shower, Austin decided to take his boots off a little closer to the kitchen. I am so glad he did, because anything that was going to crawl out of there would have been more easily seen on the tiled-floor than the carpet in the entre-way.
He takes off one dirty boot, then the next. He leaves them near the wall of the standing bar and goes to sit on the couch to call his parents. Before he picks up the phone, I alert him that something is crawling out of his boot.
Insert your applause here, because I did not shriek. It was bigger than I was used to, but this was nothing extremely alarming. A giant beetle sneaks its little antennae out and around the boot. It was excited to explore its new home.
Well, I'm not going to let this beetle take over, so I quickly have Austin escort the beast to the door and with a well-wound flick the beetle flew out of my life and somewhere into the backyard.
What are the chances anything else would come out of his boot? Well, let's just say I should have called Vegas and made that bet.
While Austin was on the phone, my instincts told me to check the boots carefully and place them outside. Before I did, I noticed a little creature walking on the floor near the boots. My heart stopped and the only noise I could get out was a deep breath and then words "Austin. It's a field spider."
My fear had captivated me so much that I was in denial. There is no such thing as a "field spider." I know what I saw. It was a scorpion. On my floor. Legs and tail and everything. The words "field spider" seemed to keep me calm from the image of this monster crawling on my floor... nay, possessing a piece of territory in my house.
Austin got up to check, and "eliminate" this terrorist that had entered my house, by smuggling itself in the boot of a soldier. This was anti-American in my book and these actions are punishable by death in my house!
He laughed and told me it wasn't a spider, it was a scorpion, something I don't think he knew I was trying to talk myself out of knowing.
At this point, Austin is on the phone with his father, whom I later heard was laughing at me for my panic. Austin clearly is not in any mood to be trifled with (or just didn't want to hear my shrieking), so he does what any man would do when protecting his woman. He takes his hand and squishes the fiend.
"What? His bare hand? Why do boys do such gross things?!?! It's a scorpion!" Is all I can think at the time. Once I recovered from this feeling, I was slightly impressed.
I stand there in shock and Austin continues the phone conversation as if though nothing happened. This is the most exciting part of my day, but I'm sure he was outside killing all sorts of creepy things that were buzzing around in the field so this did not phase him.
Not me though, I'm anything but numb. There was a SCORPION in my kitchen. What kind of place is this "Texas" that they just let crazy species of scary things roam around!?
After a few moments of panic, then a few more moments of silence, I realized I might be at risk for another terrorist attack.
You see, we have a room designated for Austin's work gear. It's called the "Army Room." This name came as a compromise after Austin lost the battle to name that room the "Man Cave" because that wasn't girl-friendly enough for me. (He doesn't read my blog, so I can go with my version of the story). This room has all sorts of "soldier stuff" just laying around. Stuff that comes back from the field and gets thrown in there because it's owner is too dirty and worn down to put it away in an organized fashion at the moment he comes back from work. See picture.
This room is a breeding ground for terrorists such as spiders, scorpions, and other creepy crawlies.
My mission: clean this room so nothing attacks us again!
